…by many ghosts
I am haunted by many ghosts
far from deceased
far from gone
they wander free
ever shifting in the shadows
recoiling from the light
oblivious to my consciousness
of their existence
they linger at the edges
at the boundaries
between moments
in that blurry space
where night and day blend
submerging themselves
in the murky depths
that my mind
might struggle to find
their echoes
their unfinished stories
cannot be silenced
they whisper into the void
circling
the slightest sliver of light
searching
not for an exit
but an entrance
surreptitiously slipping
through the cracks
into once familiar passages
down streets long forsaken
long abandoned
by my heart and my soul
these ghosts
that I try to outrun
that I pretend not to hear
when they call your name
that watch me
until my heart once more
shines a light
revealing their many eyes
awaiting my gaze
daring me to see them
daring me to recognise
the broken parts of me
that I abandoned
in an effort to save myself
their ghostly visages
expressionless
yet still I feel the judgement
the pleading
and I wait
and they wait
and we are all silent
and still in the moment
the night holds its breath
the windows too have eyes
and they are peering at me
awaiting my next breath
for I have been holding it
for far too long
everything frozen
my metaphorical winter
seconds become minutes
midnight is calling
the bell
I hear the bell
long mournful tones
and I breathe
one deep breath
after another
as the light fades
and the cloak of darkness
falls softly upon me
my ghosts are familiar
with this dance
they know that this time
they were seen
and again my sacrifice
my unconditional surrender
was not theirs to claim
but never discouraged
they return to the depths
and I know in my heart
that I will see them again
© Ann Bagnall
