…for I have withdrawn my sword
I was once a warrior in my own mind
constantly fighting the fight
but now time is no longer my enemy
for I have withdrawn my sword
admitting defeat, acknowledging
that I no longer need to count the minutes
the hours, days, months or years
I am now completely unconcerned
about the things I cannot change
for I have dealt with a lifetime
of sorrow and loss, of pleasure and pain
navigated the cycles of truth and lies
now as the seasons are endlessly returning
in each return and each retreat
I see glimpses of deterioration
colours fading, almost a metaphor
for my life (for me)
my portrait is slowly shifting
from oils to watercolours
the brushes that caress my canvas
(unseen and silent)
practice their art in the darkest hours
out of sight and out of reach
I feel like an anomaly
not ever the proper archetype
I have been both Maiden and Mother
and then finally, Crone
portrayed in stark, dark colours
presumed, the font of all wisdom
but now I have chosen
to leave all this behind
for none of these (unasked for) titles
paint me in the colours that I now feel
soft and faded, but not in the way of decline
in the way of a seasoned woman
now free to forge her own path
free to wear her own colours
to wrap herself in the shades
of her true identity
and to capture her image for eternity
with the gentle touch
of her quill and ink
©Ann Bagnall
