You are so welcome - your writing is wonderfully imbued with reality and what many will know as my penchant for 'sad and beautiful'. There are clearly underlying events and self doubts and internal battles and the struggle to hear your own voice, all woven into this. It may mean many things to you and to others, but what those things are - as with all writing sent out into the world with wings, are for the reader to decide. I was a bit all over the place when I read this as my sister in law is transgender and my teenaged grand daughter is also transgender - each of their journeys have been different, one taken as an adult after many years of keeping it secret and the other, being born in more enlightened times, starting her journey as a child - both are fortunate to have families and loved ones that support them in every way and both are able to be themselves with us all which makes my heart happy. I mention this as some of your words reminded me of different situations over the years where this degree of emptiness and pain was being felt by one or the other, and then described the joy of acceptance and love and feeling safe. None of this may be an element of what you were actually writing about, but it is what I felt from my own intimate experience with my loved ones - so if that is not the essence of poetry, I do. not know what is! xxx